Note Number 37…Things My Mother Said or Did…

Mother 1982

My mother in 1982

I have just finished reading Sue Perkins memoirs Spectacles – brilliant. Thinking about writing my own story, I have enough notes to fill at least one volume. Anyway, thinking about it – led me on to this blog post in which I’ve included a  few random snippets of advice and things that my mother said or did that have stayed with me. I know I quoted her on FaceBook recently with the classic, ‘If you don’t blow your own trumpet no-one else will.’

Read on…

Me: (after a terrible argument with a friend) She said I was hateful and that she hoped I would DIE… (dramatic delivery)
Her: We’re all going to die dear, it’s just a question of when.

Her: (at ten-thirty in the evening when your boyfriend is still sitting with you in the front room) – This department is now closing down.

Me: Mother, why have you got a half-pint glass of Dry Martini?
Her: Well, I’m going to drink this amount anyway, it just saves going back to fill the glass up too many times.

Me: What’s for pudding?
Her: If we had some cream we could have strawberries and cream if we had some strawberries. (I asked her about this quote and she said it came from an advert for cream – but I can’t find it anywhere)

Her: When you move house – at the very first opportunity you should make up the bed. Because at the end of the day, you’ll be exhausted and the last thing you’ll want to do is hunt for sheets and blankets and make your bed. You’ll just want to get in it!
(This was one of her better pieces of advice and I’ve always stuck to it on my many moves.)

Me: What should I buy X&X for a wedding present, there’s no list?
Her: Glasses or towels. You can never have too many glasses or towels.

Her: You’ll eat a pound of dirt before you die.
(The Man has told me this is not correct; it should be a peck of dirt. But these are my mum’s quotes so I’m not going to change it!)

Me: Mum, what’s VD? (I think I was about 14 at the time)
Her: It’s something you get when you have sex with a person you’re not married to.

Her: The car’s not running very well, it always knows when someone else has been driving it. (She always said this after I had borrowed the car. It was so annoying) 

Her: Don’t pass on the stairs or you’ll have ginger twins… I did have a son with ginger hair and then later I had twins, so maybe there’s something in that one!

My mother always gave me the impression that my brother could do no wrong. She would praise him constantly and say how wonderful he was, ‘Tony’s sent me lovely flowers for my birthday, can you take a photograph of me with them please?’ Never mind that I had driven 90 miles to give her a present. ‘Tony’s taking me to Australia. Tony’s doing this, Tony’s doing that bla bla bla….etc., etc. Anyway, I mentioned this to my brother not that long ago and he said that whenever she was with him she went on and on about how wonderful my sister and I were…I still think he was her favourite though.

My mother loved playing Scrabble and watching the TV as long as it was BBC2. She would not watch any other channel…there may have been some exceptions but I don’t know what they were. She sang with a local group and enjoyed amateur dramatics in Weston Super Mare.  She once had a part where she had to walk on with a basket of pears that she’d picked from the garden but unfortunately the props person had not left the pears where they should have been so she had to go on without them. My mother’s ad-lib was hilarious.  It went something like this:

‘If I had some pears, I would offer you some pears, but I don’t have any pears. Perhaps I should go out into the garden and see if I can find some pears?’ If my memory is correct she went on and off a couple of times repeating more or less the same lines. I think the pears must have been important to the plot! We never let her live it down, with cries for years afterwards of, ‘have you found those pears yet?…Any pears anywhere mother?…where’s that basket with the pears in mum?’ We drove her mad.

 

pears copy

 

I find myself saying some of the things my mother said to my children and grandchildren, ‘don’t put new shoes on the table; it’ll all come out in the wash; handsome is as handsome does.’ She also used to throw salt over her shoulder when she spilt it and so do I. The trouble is I can’t remember which hand you’re supposed to use and over which shoulder you should chuck it and why you should do it… anyone out there know?

Note Number 36…At the English Country Fair…

FordeAbbey

Forde Abbey with the Stalls Set Out in Front of the Beautiful House

Because of my involvement with Forde Abbey Carriage Driving Group I was this year helping with the Forde Abbey Fair. Our group which, is affiliated to the Riding for the Disabled Association, were in charge of the refreshments (tea, coffee and cakes) and all profits from this would be shared between us, and the Chard and District RDA. Both groups use the extensive and well-kept grounds for their sessions. We can drive the ponies and carriages into the arboretum and along the wide paths, around the house and driveways. We are very lucky to have this venue. We also had a stand at the fair, so that visitors were able to understand a little more about the group and how we work. We couldn’t have a pony standing in the carriage all day so we had a wooden head mounted on a table…which worked well. drivingWhen necessary, we are able to take a wheelchair in the carriage.  It was a brilliant day, even though at times the rain came down, but not enough to dampen the enthusiasm of both those taking part and those visiting. I loved it…

I’ve written a poem but have to admit that I have taken a few liberties, I think it’s called poetic licence, (there is no Lady M for a start!). There are more photos at the end of the piece and a fun caption competition should you care to enter. Read on…

The English Country Fair 

‘How lucky we are with the weather,’ said Lady M as the showers cleared away
‘It’s so tiresome for the punters when the rain pours down all day.’

There’s something unique and nostalgic, at an English Fair in July
Displays in the main ring, are thrilling. Look – there goes the falcon so high

You can groom the Shetland pony, take a photo with him and your mum
There’s plenty to see and do while you’re there and it’s all such jolly good fun!

Visit the stalls of craft and art, check out the Tombola with prizes
Eat hot dogs, burgers, chips and a coke – have your fortune told for surprises

Look out for the people giving advice, re, funerals, insurance and glazing
You can purchase a hen, a duck or a goat…the assortment is truly amazing

In the hall of the grand country house refreshments are served from eleven
The fruit cakes, ginger and cup-cakes, must have landed here straight from heaven

Cappuccino? I’m sorry that’s not on our list. Only Decaf or normal you see…
If served in a take-away cup – sir – you could shake it yourself maybe?

The dog show is away in the corner. Poodles, Pekingese, Pointers and Pugs
Dachshunds, Dalmatians and Dobermann. Many handsome, or ugly, mugs

‘Can I have the prettiest bitch now?’ shouts a steward from inside the ring
The owners drag in their faithful friends, who are mostly, looking quite grim

One’s never too sure who enjoys it, the handlers, the judge or the pooch
I saw a disreputable entrant trying bribery with bottles of hooch!

They like to pretend all their doggies, are obedient and frightfully good
But, warnings, lectures and tick-offs, were widespread from where I stood.

Bertie, stop licking that big dog’s behind…Razo! Where did you find that bone?
Matilda! No scrapping. Naughty bad girl…Stalker! Leave that poor Schnauzer alone…

Pedro? What’s that thing in your mouth? Oh no! What on earth shall I do?
Drop it now, put it down…leave it alone…It’s Lady M’s dahling Shih Tzu!

If you want to hear me reading this poem, hop over here to my other blog

rescuedog

Wilson – winning Rescue Dog

best dog

Dear little Chappie…

a real winner

Judge’s Favourite (the owner doesn’t look happy but she was)

Fun Caption Competition Below…please enter your caption in the comments section – Winner gets a £5 WHS voucher.

pug.jpg

(This little pug had just got his harness in a mess…no cruelty was involved!)