Note Number 51…Guest Blog from The Man…

The Man needs no introduction…read this, it’s from his Strava ride notes…I think he should be a bike blogger don’t you?

Grand Balon

You’ve got the bloody thing taking up space in the spare bedroom, it’s raining, why aren’t you on it?

ahhh ma cherie I murmured, that same thought crossed my mind not a nanosecond ago, but I am of course most grateful for your kind words of encouragement …

with a patently false, devil may care expression attached to the bon visage, I creaked my way up the stairs and proceeded to get it on!

But before you get on it, you need, a bottle, a towel, your expensive shoes with the pro cleats, 2 new batteries for the Garmin Vectors (shoulda changed them last time) the laptop, two boxes to stand the laptop on, the bedside cabinet, and the wifi booster thing.

Suitably armed, climb aboard and get on with it – well not quite yet because the reason that you aren’t getting any resistance even in the big gear, is that you didn’t clip the wheel to the flywheel before you started, so, climb off do that, get back on and pedal … Oh shit I forgot to start the f***ing video of the German chap riding Liege B Liege with his mates, in the rain, last year, so I have to hang out over the handlebars holding on with one hand and attempt to fire up the laptop with the other, find Favourites, click on the vid, sit back down and …. Christ! I think I might have twisted my knee doing that …..

and so it went on – but I did eventually get in the zone and managed to crank out an hour’s worth at 30kph, so that’s only just over 200km of the LBL still do do AND IT’S BLOODY HILLY by the look of the video, yer man on screen was pedalling single figure kph for lots of it and the profile is very jagged – hmmm – better think seriously about the lardshedding eh!

Perhaps not today though as one of LBN’s exquisite Thai green curries is on the lunch menu …

 

 

Note Number 50…It’s Always Easier for Men…

Apologies in advance for embarrassing any members of my family with this little post and if you don’t like discussing anything of a delicate nature then don’t read on.

beautiful day

Generally the roads around here are lined with impassable hedges…hmmm

I don’t wish to stir up the gender equality debate, but I’m sorry, it’s a FACT — no fake news on this blog — a man can take a pee in several other places rather than a loo, far more easily than a woman can — and what’s more, it’s accepted.

The pee debate for me began when a male friend of mine (who shall be nameless but lives in Burton Bradstock) posted on Facebook about seeing two woman on a country road squatting down, baring their backsides, to pee on the side of the road.  They were, I told him, obviously desperate and he had no idea how difficult it can be sometimes, for a woman to find anywhere to ‘go’. I told him that, when I was out walking the dog, I often found it impossible to find a place where I could hide away and not to be spotted, where there would be enough room etc. If I were a man it would be so much easier. No, stinging nettles to worry about, no panic about snakes, rodents or other small wildlife, that might be lurking in the long undergrowth etc., etc., His sister was with us at the time of this discussion (she shall also be nameless, but lives in North Devon) joined in the conversation and with great gusto said, ‘Oh but you must get a Shewee!’

‘A what?’

‘It’s a gadget that you can use to have a wee like a man.’

Well, I thought, I must get one of those. So duly got on to Amazon and ordered one with a carrying box. The first time I used it, it wasn’t too bad, but it did feel very weird and there was some leakage. Also it was quite bulky to carry in my bum bag. I discussed this whole thing with another friend, (who will also be nameless but comes from Bristol). She thought it a brilliant idea for camping, walking the dog and using some unsavoury public lavatories. She of course, because she’s like that, bought a more superior one called a Whizz Freedom. It was pliable and small and comes with a discreet carrying bag rather like a pencil-case.

‘I must have one of those!’ I declared. Quickly ordered on and then I took it out on my next long dog walk.  

DISASTER!! I should have practiced with it first as I found it so pliable it wasn’t effective enough and I ended up with wet knickers and wet trousers and I was only half way round my walk! I might as well have just wet my pants! Lesson learnt, I went back to the Shewee so that I could practice with the Whizz Freedom at home.

Alas and alack…today, whilst out on my 6k walk, I inevitably needed to pee after 3k, so I went into my usual hidey-hole, which is through a gate and round the corner a little bit. I stuck my walking stick through the handle of the dog lead, so she was ‘tethered’ so to speak and prepared to pee. A few feet away on the road I had just stepped away from, a woman walked past with a dog that barked at Jpeg, who duly barked back and pulled on her lead threatening to escape! I was interrupted at the most awkward time and yet again had to walk home with my dog walking trousers soggy. I think I’m going to give up and just squat in the corner of the field and hope that the man from Burton Bradstock isn’t lurking somewhere close or out in his car disguised as a driving school instructor!

Jpeg Tethered

Jpeg, patiently waiting whilst tethered, it didn’t last…

Note Number 49. . .Why go to London when you can have art like this on your doorstep. . .

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Batten Down (one of my favourites)

Well, Bridport is on my doorstep anyway!

Before Christmas The Man and I went to the Dalí/Deauchamp exhibition at the Royal Academy. It was okay, interesting. Last night I went to the Bridport Art Centre for Dialogues concerning the land an exhibition by  artist Beverley Rouwen, and ceramicist, Douglas Reeve. I loved it. I’m no artist and I’ve not studied art appreciation but there is no doubt in my mind that my excitement towards the creations I saw in Bridport far outweighed any feelings I had for the works I saw in London. Okay, these people are acquaintances, but I have not know them long and I wouldn’t bother to write anything about it, if I hadn’t been bowled over by what I saw.

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Powersky 1

The collection is divided into three sections, Trees, Skynets and Landscapes and each part included something that I enjoyed. The harmony of the porcelain and paintings reached out to me. I’m not even a fan of ‘contemporary’ or ‘modern’ art, whatever you wish to call it, but these were nothing less than fabulous. Pity our little house and tiny walls are not really up to housing any of the installations I saw. But I can dream. . .

The exhibition is on until the 27th January, open 10am  until 4pm  Tuesday to Saturday. If you would like to know more about these two and their work then check out  Beverley’s website here and Doug’s website here.

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Powersky 2 (probably not the best angle for a photograph, but I may have been intimidated by the presence of Brendan Buesnel – the official photographer )

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A small section of ‘Were you invited?’  It’s actually 65x180cm. Love it.

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Were you invited…ceramics

Note Number 48. . .New Year Writing. . .

happy new year

I thought for 2018 I would begin by reading my diary for 2017 and was shocked to see that the things I wrote in Jan last year, would pretty much be the same as I might write this year. So…nothing has changed! I have neither advanced nor retreated down the road to my goals. At least if I did advance at the beginning of the year I was retreating by March!

writing

I am still wanting to get fitter and with that, lose a few pounds. I haven’t got anywhere near finishing either of my novels and I hardly entered any writing competitions. Having told myself that I would do loads of writing, enter as many comps as I could and that I would definitely finish one novel.   I had such good intentions back in January 2017 and I meant every word. Ah well….

THIS MUST ALL CHANGE (I got the idea of caps from that chap in the White House).

I have already entered one competition,  The Mogford Short Story Prize (thanks Carolyn) I have a deadline on Sunday for  Little Red Writers and I’m scouring the Internet to see what other comps I can find. I have seen that there is a Fish Memoir Prize with a closing date of 31st January, it’s time to dig something out and polish it up. I don’t enter these things to win, (that would be a bonus) it’s the taking part that counts and the fact that it encourages me to finish short stories and poems and not leave them hanging about half written, unedited or lost in a maze of files on my computer. I attend a couple of writing groups and the other scribblers (I hope they don’t mind me calling them that) who attend are so encouraging and helpful. This year I’m determined not to let them down. It’s great to have writing buddies but if you don’t take up their advice then what’s the point?

write on

ONWARD AND UPWARD…(there’s those caps again). Getting fit will happen, stories and poems that have been started WILL be finished and new works created – and ONE OF THOSE NOVELS WILL BE COMPLETED! I’ve said it, now let’s see if I can carry it through.

Happy New Year to all. Happy writing and happy whatever else you enjoy doing!

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